Have you ever heard of Rod McKuen? According to Wikipedia, “McKuen’s commercial success is unparalleled in the field of modern popular poetry. His poems have been translated into a dozen languages and his books have sold 65 million copies.” McKuen was wildly popular in the 1960s and 1970s. I attended one of his concerts in 1971. I, of course, was a mere child then. Yeah right! I still remember one of the lines in a love poem he delivered that night. He said something like “love means that you are getting more than you have to give.”
I consult, teach and write blogs about project management. Hopefully, I know a little something about the subject. I am not so sure about love. However, in both cases the phrase “give and you might be surprised about how much you get back” holds true. So what is my point? When managing a project you must deal with stakeholders.
Isn’t one of the secrets to successful management of stakeholders giving them the perception that they are getting more than they are giving? So what do they want? I’m not asking what the requirements are for the product or the service that the project is supposed to deliver. I mean: what does everyone want. Stakeholders want respect. They don’t want to be taken advantage of or made to look like a fool. They want perceived value. You as a project manager have control over two of the three wants of stakeholders, and you probably have some influence over the third. Sounds pretty easy, doesn’t it?

Giving respect to all stakeholders can be a challenge. Stakeholders usually have an agenda that may or may not run parallel with the objectives of the project. They will challenge you and sometimes can make your life miserable. They can, at times, be disrespectful to you and of your authority. Don’t lower yourself to that level; maintain a respectful countenance and dialog. That does not mean giving into them or allowing them to bully you. Stand your ground, but maintain a respectful attitude. As long as you keep to the high road, you will always win in the long term. You may lose a battle but you will win the war.
In order to be put into a position of project manager you are probably “one of the sharper knives in the drawer.” You also probably have some charm and charisma. If you don’t, then spend some time developing these traits. Developed communication skills are essential. However, you may at some point have an opportunity to make yourself look smart at the expense of another person or organization. Don’t do it! What little you may gain now by looking clever will not be worth the price you have to pay by creating a detractor.
I have always found it fruitful to give credit to someone else. Make someone else look good. Giving sincere compliments is always a good thing to do. Do not lie, though, just to have something “nice” to say – avoid giving undeserved or insincere compliments. If you cannot give a sincere compliment, you are not looking hard enough.
Giving a stakeholder their perceived value requires investing time in that stakeholder. You must ascertain what is valuable to that stakeholder, and every stakeholder may have a unique perception of what is valuable. You cannot make assumptions as to what they define as valuable. Taking a look at a stakeholder’s office may give you a clue. Looking at the signature block of an email, if it is not a standardized signature block, might give you insight. Asking open-ended questions sometimes helps. Sometimes, taking a direct approach of just asking them what they value is best. Listen to what they are saying and what they are leaving out. Stakeholders may not know what they want, and you may have to listen to what they don’t say as well. Investing the time to find out what is perceived as valuable to your stakeholder can be invaluable.
Getting more than you give can be a challenge, but I have generally found that the more I give of myself, the more I receive back. Practice giving, and you might be surprised of how much you get back. As for love advice, I will leave that to Rod McKuen’s poetry.